There was a time in my life when I thought emotional regulation was something other people were naturally better at.
They were the calm ones. The grounded ones. The people who didn’t lose their patience, become overwhelmed, or lie awake replaying conversations in their heads.
I wasn’t one of those people.
Over the years, I’ve watched friends struggle with anxiety, seen students carry incredible amounts of pressure, and witnessed firsthand how difficult it can be to move through life when your nervous system feels overwhelmed.
Those experiences changed me. They also made me curious.
Why do some people seem to recover from difficult moments more easily than others? Why do our emotions sometimes feel so much bigger than the situation in front of us? And perhaps most importantly: can we learn to respond differently?
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation isn’t about never feeling angry, anxious, or overwhelmed. It’s not about becoming calm all the time.
To me, emotional regulation means learning to notice what’s happening inside your body before your emotions take over.
It’s the ability to pause. To breathe. To create a little space between what happens to you and how you choose to respond.
That space is where better decisions happen. And your breath can help create it.
Your Body Is Always Paying Attention
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned through breathwork is that our bodies are paying attention—even when we aren’t.
Think about what happens when you’re stressed: your shoulders creep toward your ears, your jaw tightens, your heart begins to race, your breathing becomes shallow, your thoughts speed up.
Your body isn’t working against you. It’s trying to protect you.
The problem is that our nervous systems don’t always distinguish between a true emergency and an overflowing inbox, a difficult conversation, or an upcoming exam. To your body, stress is stress.
Why Breath Can Help
The beautiful thing about the breath is that it’s both automatic and voluntary. It happens whether we think about it or not, but it’s also something we can consciously influence.
When we slow our breathing and become more intentional, we’re giving our nervous system new information: “In this moment, I am safe enough to slow down.”
That doesn’t mean our problems disappear. It simply means we may be able to meet them from a different place.
Why This Matters to Me: Introducing Anxiety Bootcamp
Living in Columbia, Missouri, I’ve spent the last several years watching anxiety become increasingly common among people of all ages.
Students are carrying enormous pressure. Professionals are experiencing burnout. Parents are trying to do it all. And many of us are quietly wondering the same thing: “Why does everything feel so hard sometimes?”
It’s one of the reasons I created Anxiety Bootcamp.
I want people—especially young adults—to understand that emotional regulation is a skill. And like any skill, it can be practiced.
No one teaches us how to understand our nervous systems. No one teaches us how to work with our emotions instead of against them.
What if we changed that?
A Simple Practice for Emotional Regulation: Coherent Breathing
One of my favorite practices for emotional regulation is coherent breathing, sometimes called resonant breathing. It’s a slow, steady breathing pattern of approximately five to six breaths per minute.
Unlike many breathing exercises, coherent breathing isn’t about trying to achieve a particular feeling. It’s about creating a rhythm that encourages the body and mind to work together.
Try this:
- Sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor.
- Place one hand on your chest and one on your lower belly.
- Allow your breath to move gently into the lower belly.
- Inhale through your nose for approximately five seconds.
- Exhale through your nose for approximately five seconds.
- Continue for three to five minutes.
Notice if your shoulders begin to soften or if your thoughts become a little quieter. There is nothing to force. Simply breathe and allow your body to do what it was designed to do.
Emotional Regulation Isn’t About Perfection
People sometimes ask me if breathwork will eliminate anxiety.
I wish it worked that way.
The truth is, I still have stressful days. I still get overwhelmed. I’m still human.
What has changed is my relationship with those experiences. I recover more quickly. I recognize what’s happening sooner. And I’ve learned that I don’t have to believe every thought that passes through my mind.
That, to me, is emotional regulation. Not perfection. Awareness.
Your Breath Has Been With You All Along
One of my favorite things about breathwork is that you don’t need special equipment or hours of free time.
Your breath is with you while you’re sitting in class, walking into a meeting, waiting for an interview, or lying awake at night.
Learning how to use it intentionally may be one of the simplest ways to support your emotional well-being.
If you’d like to learn more, I’d love to help. Whether you’re interested in one-on-one coaching, student workshops, or Anxiety Bootcamp, the first step is simply a conversation.
Schedule a free discovery call and let’s explore what greater balance might look like for you.
A Breath from Amy
The older I get, the more I realize that emotions aren’t something to conquer. They are part of being human.
I’ve spent years trying to become calmer, happier, more patient, and more enlightened. What I’ve discovered instead is that life continues to ask us to show up exactly as we are.
Some days I feel grounded and connected. Other days, I don’t. And perhaps that’s the point.
Breathwork hasn’t made me less human. It has simply helped me become more accepting of my humanity.
My hope for you isn’t that you’ll never feel anxious or overwhelmed again. My hope is that, when those moments come, you’ll remember that you don’t have to face them alone.
Your breath is still there. Patiently waiting. Just as it always has been.